You know I love you so

Everyone knows I'm a lonely guy. I try not to think about it too much, but I know that's not really the whole truth. I'm just able to keep those demons at bay, and it's important that I do so. The more I try to not be lonely by doing everything I can, the more I fuck up by trying too hard.

I talked about Matt, the swim guy, earlier on. He's one of only two "friends" outside of work I have now. I put that in quotes because we're not really friends yet, you know. Just swim buddies. But I know it's not likely we're gonna be much more than that, even though that's fine by itself. I find myself screwing up sometimes because inside of me I get those emotions and I don't carry it off very well anymore. Why don't I just chill and everything would be better?

You know, last night, I wrote on my myspace, under who I'd like to meet, that I wanted to meet all the good, cool people in this world. I only want to meet them because I'm happy doing that. So I shouldn't think so hard about wanting much more. That's my weakness. Thinking too hard about some shit ideal.

We talked about doing kick and pull sets, so I'm thinking I'll get a pair of fins and paddles and a pull buoy. It'd be cool!

I think I need to write down my goals once again to keep me level-headed. Watch out, folks! Next entry. Off to bed now.