Flowers for Algernon

Looking back, I don't think I'll have any regrets.

It was shorter than I thought it'd be. Perhaps he wasn't sure how it'd work out, how much he wanted to be with me, or maybe he didn't want it at all. We went to Ayres to pick out a shirt and pants for a conference I'm attending in Tucson next week. He always had great dress sense. I tried on this sassy-looking shirt with alternating dark stripes that fit really well. He liked it. I liked it. After that I tried on this pair of charcoal pants that went totally well with the shirt. I liked them. He liked them. I took him to Barnes and Noble. I showed him the travel guide full of pictures of the place where I grew up. He liked it a lot. I was happy he liked it. I asked him to show me the place where he grew up. It wasn't particularly interesting, but I felt very happy he shared it with me.

The first night we met, we plunged right into sex and never really knew each other. Today, we talked a lot more than we ever did. We talked about our plans for the future, what we liked. I wasn't wrong about him at all. We do indeed have common interests, common dreams. Not often, a connection.

At the end of it, he asked me if I wanted to hang out again soon. I'm really happy he asked. I am clear of the fact that in this really bizarre circumstance of a false-start to something between us that could be happening, I've been and will continue to be the one shouldering much more of the emotional burden -- completely aware of my feelings yet totally uncertain as to whether I'm but a cameo appearance to him. But whereas I might have been naive before, I know what it really takes now. I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I know he knows how I feel, so I have to do my best not to place any burden upon him. We both understand that because of our individual situations, we have to be extra careful where we tread. Because of the short time that we can possibly have together, I have to be truly selfless for us to live the joy of it, and for neither of us to get hurt at the end of it. I don't know what's going to happen, or if he's really going to call, but I'm glad he's trying.